How did Brian Warner hit my soft spot

Yesterday, it came to my ears that Jessicka Addams publicly denounced Jordie White, last October, for raping her, 20 years ago. 😐

It takes an important dose of courage to denounce publicly a man with fandom. I went through all this myself (on a much smaller scale however, but still, he was one of the fucking hero reporters from 99 Media, during the Québec student criss in 2012-2013), I denounced his sexual, physical and physiological abuses publicly, on late Spring 2013, when I was already struggling with severe depression and the utter lack of sleep inherent in all post-traumatic stress cases that can happen when you see your yourself (or your friends) way too many times having the crap beaten out of you, during protests, by your local and/ or state police service. I was already struggling for my survival when some of my ex’s friends discredited my denunciation and turned against me (most of them were also my friends) while few others menaced to beat the shit out of me in protests.

I remember, at the very beginning, when I decided to ask for help from my closed and secret circle of feminists (many of them were also Wiccan) and I was answered that the Facebook page was not an agony column. For fuck sake, the guy menaced to break the legs of my friend Denis and Françoise to make sure I was properly isolated from my surrounding. He was also always bragging about him being a member of a certain criminal organisation I won’t name. I was worried for my friends’ security, but, if I can surely defend myself against one or maybe two aggressors, with the menace of having to defend myself against his pack of frenzy fuckers, in protests, a bit for my own security as well. Luckily, I was supported by several people in 99 Média and the guy got kicked out. But that was years before the #Meetoo movement, everything was so mush harder back then. Fortunately, things are changing.

After the conversation from which I heard the news of Jessicka’s denunciation, I did some Google exercice and there it was. I mean, the news was as big and as obvious as a flash pink bull in orange with purple polka dots tight garters skipping three feet away from the spot on the floor on what my now out of control head keeps on bagging itself for years in this freaking china shop that is my worn thin patience for rapists and abusers, how on Earth did it slip beneath my overwhelmed, disturbed, fed up, but sharp anarcha-feminist radar?  

Moreover, I remember my short encounter with White. Backstage, during the Nine Inch Nails after-show party on November 11 2005, in Montreal. This whole thing makes me sick, Jeordie. Fortunately, I Heard you didn’t wait for people to turn your sorry ass inside out to hear the call for change and made the efforts to become a better person. Congratulations. Really. My ex never apologized and to this day, he is still denying his shit.

I admit that I’m short fuse a tad, for the last couple of years, I found myself totally disheartened and pissed off by the activist scene in Quebec (and worldwide) and all the goddamn Facebook community for allowing so many misogynist assholes to breathe too much precious virtual vital  air. My entire fucking faith in humanity is failing more and more every day as I read the news.

All of the suddent, Brian Warner happens, just like the people of 99 Média did happen in 2013, he makes this one important move, he pushes White away from the band as an exemple to this world that behaviours like his will no longer be tolerated. By this crucial and difficult to make decision, he reverses the process and restores a little of my agonizing faith and love in humanity. This is no small feat.

Then why is your heart so sore, KJ? Evan Rachel Wood’s denunciation of Brian’s unimaginable, unthinkable, unacceptable domestic violence, terrible actes we can qualify of psychological and physical torture and not feel like we’re overreacting even a bit is why.

Did you even apologize, Brian? You know, I always described you as a male version of me. Today, I can no longer do that. You always inspired me, but now you fucked up my bases, a huge part of, not only what I consider my cultural references, you are well aware that it’s a lot more fundamental than that when it comes to the ones like us.

For fuck sake, you’ve destroyed a woman you pretended to love! Now, please, no more denial, make up for your shit.

KJ

PS : see you on July 28.

Also: Fuck negative reinforcement.